As I’ve been stuck sick in my apartment, cabin fever is setting in. I am now working on coming up with a new national motto for France. Ideas that have come to mind: “France, if it’s not one thing, it’s another.” “France, We’ll show you what Murphy’s Law is all about.” Or “France, Our Goal is High Blood Pressure.”

I spent the weekend in bed. Sleeping, watching South Park. And feeling miserable. Monday when I woke up, my internet wasn’t working. I have heard stories about people being without internet for a little while. So I just went back to sleep. But it didn’t work all day long.

I needed to go to the store to buy a few things, so I figured I would go to the France Telecom store while I was out. Of course, their customer service consists of pointing to a telephone and telling you to talk to someone else. There was a lady using the phone, so I just waited (as normal). After waiting like half an hour, (and being passed by employees) the lady told me that they had another phone. Upon hearing that, without me even asking, one of the ladies working at a sales desk pulled out the phone. (Insert annoyed forced smile here.)

So then, I call the customer service number, and I missed their closing time by five minutes. I might have uttered a couple of expletives as I walked out of the store. They probably couldn’t understand what I said, so it doesn’t count.

I had a follow up doctor’s appointment Tuesday morning. More on that below, don’t wanna interrupt the flow of my story. After the Doctor’s appointment, I went back to the France Telecom store. This time, I walked up to one of the employees, told him that I had no idea what to do in the voicemail hell that was France Telecom’s Customer Service, and that I needed him to help me (how very American of me). So he got where I needed to be, told me to sit on hold, and when someone came on, to get him. Now I was making some progress.

The problem wasn’t with the internet, it was with the phone company. While although technically the same company, they act as two separate companies (which is what caused the problem… read on). So, they gave me a number to call which connected directly to English speaking operators (so much easier!), and I could do this part all by myself, like a big girl.

When I got an operator, she told me the problem was non-payment. Non-payment? What? They took my bank account info when I signed up, weren’t they supposed to take money out of my bank account? And I know the money was there. And on my statements, it did show Orange taking money. But no, this was the phone line we’re talking about, and that was France Telecom (the same company, but really two… bleh).

She asked me if I had gotten the bills in the mail. No. She read off my address, and they were missing the part about having to have my landlord’s name in the address line. Funky postal things. And then she says, “Oh yeah, it says here that the bills were returned.”

So I was a non-payer, and they shut off my phone. Um, they could have called me and asked where their money is. It’s not like they don’t have my phone number…

Here’s the “if it’s not one thing, it’s another part.” I paid my bill there, and they turned my phone line back on. But no internet.

So after playing with the modem, resetting it, plugging it into different outlets, etc., I called France Telecom. This time, I could do it from home. Well, since the line was turned off, and then turned back on, I have to wait the standard 4-5 days for the internet to be activated. Awesome.

So it’s back to going around the city for internet. Woo hoo, just like old times.

Now to the doctor’s. I went in Tuesday morning for my follow up, I am still having problems with my throat. The fever is gone (thank goodness), but I still feel icky. He looks at my throat, and is like “Wow, that is still pretty infected.” No sugar coating with this guy. So it might not be strep, it could be viral. If Friday it is still bad, then I have to go have lab tests done.

Yay, more quality time stuck in my apartment. Now with no internet.

So I’m reading The Stand by Stephen King. Probably not the right book for someone who is sick to be reading.